Well, once again I’m back in Afghanistan for another round of embeds with US and Afghan forces. This time I’ll be in Ghazni and Wardak Provinces. Be on the lookout for stories, photos and video at USA Today …

Traveling to Afghanistan from the states is a long, arduous process that would be entirely unbearable if it weren’t for my good friend Tylenol PM, taken in large doses on the Atlanta-Dubai leg.

Though I travel quite often I always forget to request an aisle seat for this 13 hour, 40 minute marathon flight. I like to walk around and stretch between bouts of OD-ing on over-the-counter meds. It makes me feel less like a doper.

This time I was pegged against the window with two of the laziest contractors imaginable blocking my escape. I poked them twice during a flight lasting more than half a day to use the restroom. Both times they acted as through I was Ed Gein (if you don’t know your serial killers, he was one of the creepiest) knocking on their front door ask their sisters for a date.

So I exacted my revenge the only way one can on a plane without evoking the ire of air marshals. I farted on them repeatedly.

Yes, I’m almost 40.